I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. ESV Song of Solomon 7:10
Marriage, time and stress often create an interesting combination where our spouse can seem to be more of a burden than a friend. The person who we once stayed up late dreaming about becomes someone that now seems to consume too much of our time. The person we used to be able to talk to for hours, we now realize we haven’t really talked to for days. The person we used to just hold hands with, sit quietly, and stare into each others eyes becomes the person we pass the screaming baby to as we race to clean up vomit. Some of this is just life, and it’s not necessarily all bad. However, no matter your season of marriage, men, it’s important to ask if you desire your wife.
In the verse above, Solomon’s wife declares her security in knowing that she belonged to Solomon and that his desire and longings were toward her. Not toward the ball game, work, or the yard. Not toward the kids, his mom, or his fishing buddies. She was confident that in the midst of the craziness of life, Solomon’s steadfast desires were fixed on her, and she found great security in that. The call for our spiritual formation is to ensure our wives feel this same security from us. Remember as husbands, we are a picture of Christ’s steadfast love for the church. As believers, we are confident Christ stands constantly for us, and not against us. As believing husbands, we should be constantly drawn to our wives. Challenging, yes. Rewarding, definitely.
In full disclosure, Solomon’s wife makes this confident declaration of Solomon’s passion for her after he describes her naked body and initiates intimacy with her. Perhaps it’s an encouragement to wives to allow their husbands to approach them sexually. Recognize that’s part of what grabs his heart. For the men, in our day of porn, adultery, divorce, Tinder, and flirting, it’s way too easy to have some fantasy woman have your heart. Work, sports, the car, the yard, and even the kids can grab your desire as well. Spiritual formation involves keeping our desires toward our wives, inside and outside the bedroom. It builds her security, and is a testimony to the world of Christ’s love for us. Desire your wife!